How to SPEED!!!
Ξ August 21st, 2007 | → | ∇ Cars/Trucks, General, Tips & Tricks |
OK, so, almost everyone speeds, if you don’t, you shouldn’t drive!!! The thing that pisses me off the most is that people are always slowing me down, and just being rude slow-pokes. But anyways, I like to speed, a lot, and by some means or another, I haven’t even been pulled over in quite some time…Well, it took too long for me to finish writing this and I ended up getting pulled over…going around a blind turn, not paying attention, even though my polak should have been the one pulled over, but I only got a written warning. So, I decided to write a post about how I drive, and what I do to avoid being pulled over, and what I do if I happen to get pulled over. So here’s a list of what I do, as well as a list of things that you should do to be a “polite” non-speeder.
- FIRST and FOREMOST!!! Get a radar detector!
- The most important thing to remember is that a radar detector will not save you from getting a ticket if you’re hit, all alone, on the open road. They only let you know when there is a radar being used, by a cop that you don’t notice. If that radar gets a good shot at you, then you’re screwed.
- If you’re gonna do 5 or 10 miles over the limit, you’re pretty safe from getting a ticket in most states, however, there are exceptions…I’ve heard that in Arizona they’ll give you a ticket for doing 1 mile over the limit.
- If you prefer to speed more than that, it’s best to be smart about it…
- If you get ready to speed and don’t have the radar like I mentioned above, go ahead and smack yourself!
- So the radar only lets you know when there’s a radar pointed at you, basically it’s a line of sight thing
- I’ve always seen police sitting at the bottom of hills and around corners. So they try to get you right when you enter their line of sight.
- So if you’re really haulin’ ass, it’s best to slow down a little when you come over a hill or around a corner
- The best way to speed is to use what I’ve heard to be called the “polak radar detector”, I’m not too sure of the spelling, it could be “pollock”, but whatever. So polak radar detector means that you wait until someone comes along who wants to go as fast as you do, and just follow them… The best dumb polak joke ever!
- So when you’re following the polak, biggest thing to remember is that when he goes around a corner, or over a hill, if his brake lights come on, there’s probably a good reason! When he puts on his brakes, you better slam on the brakes quick like!
- So, you have your radar detector, the polak and the real one, if you’re going in a straight line, out in the open, and police have you dead in their line of sight, your real radar lets you know there’s a cop around, and your polak radar is the guy that gets the ticket. I have seen plenty of speed traps where there are more than one cop waiting for you, I prefer to travel with a least 2 polak’s
- Now, your polak radar also works if you’re in around bunch of other people, you can speed up going through them, with less chance of being pulled over.
- When you’re going through a crowd, it’s best to keep your polak on a tight leash because if another car gets between you and is not going as fast as you want to, you will be exposed while you’re trying to catch up. That’s provided you’re even able to catch up.
- When you’re out in the open, it’s better to keep the polak further in front of you, so that you can watch his brake lights and have more time to react, as well as create a larger field of view for your (real) radar detector.
- So, I’m an asshole because I lied. You did everything I said and you still got pulled over! OK, well, you’re somewhat right, I have been known to be an asshole from time to time. So, in the hopes of covering any potential legal issues, my article is for educational purposes only and ideas mentioned should not be used on public roads, you should always obey speed limits and obey traffic laws…LOL, I just saw a commercial that said that in fine print so I figured it would be good to copy it …OK, now maybe I won’t go to jail. OK, back to me being an asshole and all that, no matter what you do, if you speed, you are almost guaranteed to be pulled over, so I’m not an asshole, your number just came up. Alright, enough rambling, when you do eventually get pulled over, like I did, there are some things that I do, that I believe help prevent me from getting an actual ticket.
- When you get pulled over, you most likely know it as soon as you see the blue lights, maybe even sooner. So: Option 1 - Run from the cops; Option 2 - Pull over.
- I highly recommend Option 2, but hey, if you’re feelin’ froggy, leap.
- OK, we’ll assume you’re not feelin’ froggy, or you’re feelin’ smart, however you wanna look at it.
- Once you see the blue lights, you should have already slowed down.
- Once the officer gets behind you, put you’re blinker or emergency flashers on and slow down then pull over. When you pull over, make sure that you pull over far enough that the officer has plenty of room so that he can stand by your car without having to worry about getting hit by traffic.
- When you’re getting pulled over, if you have a cigarette, or anything else, like maybe a cigaweed, you should put it out, or whatever you see appropriate before it is too late. In the case of a cigarette, it is about showing respect to the officer, you don’t want to be sitting there trying to talk your way out of a ticket with your cigarette smoke blowing in his/her face. Now the biggest thing to remember, if you throw your cigarette out the window, and let’s say that cigarette happens to hit the cop’s windshield, which actually happened to a friend of mine just a week ago, the office will suspect that you are throwing out something else (cigaweed), not to mention the fact that you’re littering. So, at the very least, try to put out the cigarette and just keep the remaining butt in your car until the office lets you go.
- Hopefully you have your seat belt on, if you’re running around town speeding like a bat out of hell, not wearing your seat belt, go ahead and do what I mentioned earlier…smack yourself. Once you smack yourself, put your seat belt on before the cop notices.
- Once you’re pulled over, with the officer behind you, turn you car off. That let’s him/her know that you’re not going to try and take off when he gets out of his car.
- Don’t think I need to say it, but make sure you window is rolled all the way down, and once the officer gets out of his car, sit up straight (no gangsta lean, fix ur damn seat), and put both hands on the steering wheel (10 & 2).
- Think about all the cop shows that you’ve seen and the stories that you have probably heard about police officers being shot walking up to a car for a routine traffic stop. Well, whether you know what I’m talking about or not, police never know what is going to happen when they walk up to a car they just pulled over, so it is always helpful to you and the officer to put their mind at ease, by doing everything possible to show them that you are not a threat to them.
- When the officer asks you for license/registration/proof of insurance/birth certificate/dna sample/etc/etc tell him where it is, and that you are going to reach for it.
- e.g. “My wallet is in my back pocket, I’m going to reach for it”
- After you tell the officer you’re going to reach for something, pause for a moment, what you said can be interpreted as a question, and the officer may give you approval, after a pause, if you don’t get a response from the office, go ahead.
- When you reach for whatever, make sure you do so somewhat slowly, you don’t want to reach for you wallet real fast and have the officer think you’re going for a gun. He might bust a cap in your ass…well, probably not, but you might make him nervous.
- When you’re talking to the officer, make sure that you are as respectful as possible, yes sir/yes mam
- Be apologetic, I’m terribly sorry sir/mam
- It’s best to have a simple, believable reason for speeding.
- You don’t want to tell the officer that you were speeding intentionally, your mom being in the hospital ICU translates to you are most likely lying, and you meant to speed, you just got caught
- You always want to try to tell the officer that yes, you were speeding, you are terribly sorry, you weren’t paying attention, you were doing fill_in_the_blank and did not notice that your were speeding
- Whatever you say K.I.S.S. (keep it simple stupid)
- The more elaborate your story, the less believable it is. So something as simple as someone calling you on the phone and you were trying to answer it is sufficient. The only problem with that particular story is that it is not necessarily provable. If the officer happens to question you, you want to be sure that you can at least prove to him that you aren’t just telling him a big fat lie.
- If you were paying attention earlier, you read that I was recently pulled over. I did almost everything I’ve mentioned in the article, with the exception of putting out my cigarette (yes, cigarette, not a cigaweed), and I was lucky enough to only get a warning for doing 88mph in a 70mph zone. But the real lucky part is that he didn’t catch me 5 minutes earlier, or I might have been going to jail for doing 105mph in a 70mph zone. Don’t know if I would have actually gone to jail, but I hope I never find out …so when I got pulled over, I told the officer that I was trying to reprogram my GPS navigation on my cell phone and that my “heavy” foot caused me to speed without noticing it. So my story was somewhat easy to prove, I wasn’t actually using the GPS, but I could explain that I was trying to retype in my destination address when he she pulled me over and I closed my cell phone to pull over.
- Something simple, easy to believe, that supports the notion that you were not intentionally speeding, that you were going over the limit simply by mistake or due a (small) lack of attention on your part
- When you are talking to the officer, make sure you keep up the politeness, yes sir/yes mam
- Well, that’s about it as far as speeding and trying to talk your way out of an actual ticket. So, there’s a bunch of tips & tricks to getting out of a speeding ticket if you do happen to get one, so check back soon and I’ll tell ya about them…
- When you get pulled over, you most likely know it as soon as you see the blue lights, maybe even sooner. So: Option 1 - Run from the cops; Option 2 - Pull over.
